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Puddle Coach Column, by Patrice Swenson                                                                                                                     Have a question for the Puddle Coach? Submit here

 

Dear Puddle Coach,                                                                                                                                                                                          Patrice Swenson, Puddle CoachDescription: http://www.rainbowinthepuddle.com/sites/default/files/images/Life%20Coach%20Pic%20for%20Business%20Card_2.jpg

I am really getting tired of the office "drama". I have been at the same job for almost 15 years now and I've seen a lot of people come and go. There is a woman in the office that I think might be gay and I hear a lot of rumors in the break room about it. She's a really nice person and I can't stand the way people talk. I would think that people my age (40 plus) would be a bit more aware and respectful. It isn't just this situation that bothers me, it's anyone that doesn't fit the norm or at least what the people in the office consider the "norm". I have a friend who has a gay son and I am really offended by the comments I'm hearing behind this persons back. I really want to say something but I find myself struggling to speak up, and this is making me feel really terrible inside, because I feel like saying nothing is almost as bad as those that are talking behind this persons back. The worst part about it is that I think they actually believe I feel the same way they do, and I don't! I even considered changing jobs, which might sound pathetic, because it kind of feels like running away, but at the same time, I guess I'm also afraid to lose my job! The whole situation is stressing me out and I wonder how I can find peace of mind. Please give me your thoughts!

Office drama~

Dear Office drama,

As I read your letter, I couldn't help but feel the complete dissonance you're going through. That's the state at which your feelings, thoughts and behaviors don't quite, "line up" so to speak. You are so aware of your feelings and what you believe in and seem to really be striving to break ground toward asserting what matters to you. This is no easy situation and I admire the strength it took to even write this letter. There are a few questions I'd offer you to help you decide what might be best for you to do. What do you value? Are you able to hold true to the values you hold in your current situation? If so, what can you do to be true to those values? I can't tell you what is right for you to do, but maybe you can consider what would bring you the most peace; stuffing the feelings you have or expressing them. I wonder if there might be someone in the office you could talk to about this. I am betting you are not the only one that is disturbed by the things being said. I wonder if leaving the job you're in would solve anything, or if the real struggle is asserting how you feel and being authentic to who you are and what you value? Sometimes the hardest part of finding peace is simple being true to who we are. I applaud you for being aware of your feelings and wanting to get in sync with how you feel and what you value. It sounds like you are on your way to becoming more true to who you are and what you value! Keep striving and things will fall into place. 

Thanks for writing ~

Puddle Coach

 

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