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Puddle Coach Column ~ Q&A / Relationships: Cheated On

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Puddle Coach Column, by Patrice Swenson                                                                                                                     Have a question for the Puddle Coach? Submit here

 

Dear Puddle Coach,                                                                                                                                                                                          Patrice Swenson, Puddle CoachDescription: http://www.rainbowinthepuddle.com/sites/default/files/images/Life%20Coach%20Pic%20for%20Business%20Card_2.jpg

I met a great guy. He really seems interested in me but I've had a lot of bad experiences with guys cheating on me, and when I get close to a guy, I feel like I want to just run the opposite direction. I know I probably have issues with trust but I don't know what to do about it. How many guys will pass me by that might have been, "the one"? These thoughts go on in my head and I don't even try, it's just circulating all the time! I'm not even sure why this guy likes me, because I keep giving him mixed signals. I've been to some counseling about this but it hasn't changed anything. I saw your ad for writing in and I figured I might just see what you have to say about it. I like your column and read your Facebook posts often. I think you have good things to say, so I'll wait for your reply. Look forward to hearing from you, I hope my letter makes it on your site, because I think a lot of people feel like I do and maybe it will help others! Thanks for your time!!  

Cheated on~

Dear Cheated on,

First of all, thanks for the confidence in my reply and following Rainbow on Facebook. You have already had some great insights; you understand where your struggle comes from and you know you want to let love in. Those mixed signals you give aren't a bad thing; they're simply a reflection of what's going on inside you. That's just your truth. You can't give anyone what you don't have to give. Right now, you're mixture represents something emerging in you; you can use those feelings to create what you want!

Here are some questions to help you get started in getting to a better place with love and trust. What is it you fear most? Do you have people that you want to forgive but can't? Sometimes the answers to just a couple of questions will tip off the start of new growth. The root of this type of problem is often about forgiveness and acceptance. What does that mean? We carry around hurts and we bring them into our next relationships, we bring them to work, we bring them to our kids and the hard part is that we often don't even know we're doing it. Could you forgive the past and all that you are carrying if believed it would free you? Forgiveness is not saying what happened is ok or that you want to be with or around someone that hurt you. The most powerful thing I ever learned about forgiveness is that it's not about the other person, it's about me. It means that I am NO LONGER willing to carry this burden. Forgiveness opens up your soul and brings freedom to your heart.  Most of the things we hurt from were never about us, but about another person's struggle and journey. What is your definition of love and trust? How could you open those definitions to allow for more love and more trust in your life? I heard once that the only sustainable trust is simply trusting that everyone is doing their best.

I have a perspective on happiness that goes like this; it's simple, it's free, and it's all about me! Meaning, YOU hold the key to your happiness and your unhappiness. You can own your life right now, by simply taking back your power, not allowing someone else to decide your happiness by carrying burdens that don't have to be yours to carry. You're on your way to healing already, because you have awareness, you have a desire to know more, do more and evolve more, or you wouldn't be writing to me!

Ps. You might want to start reading my blog on Phucketville, it's a place that everyone needs to go sometimes and laugh. I like to bring a friend and by the end of the trip, we're on our way back with new beginnings, growth, and a brighter perspective. Don't forget to allow yourself the opportunity to let it be OK that you just want to be, do, and think negative sometimes, that's usually where we begin to create the most powerful, positive outcomes; from those negative feelings and situations we don't like!   

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Puddle Coach~