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Puddle Coach Column, by Patrice Swenson                                                                                                                     Have a question for the Puddle Coach? Submit here

 

Dear Puddle Coach,                                                                                                                                                                                          Patrice Swenson, Puddle CoachLife%20Coach%20Pic%20for%20Business%20Card_2.jpg

I have been seeing a girl that I met years ago. We actually went on a few dates in high school and now, some 30 plus years later; we reconnected, by a chance encounter. We went on several dates after reconnecting and have been keeping touch on and off for the past several months. Recently we spent a few days together, it seemed amazing but then the last night, we had a plan that she never showed up for. When I texted her and called her, she didn't respond. A week later when I was about to give up hope, she said she can't do this and she doesn't want to hurt me. We really hit it off and I find myself falling for her fast and she seems to return my feelings when we're together, but when I follow up with a text or a call she seems to have little to do with me. This is the second time she's acted like this after a few days in a row being together and having a great time! After getting these devastating messages she will send me another text and say something sweet and the whole thing gets my heart all excited again. We are both over 50 and have had our hearts broken several times but I am ready to give her my all and she can't seem to let me in. I go from feeling understanding to feeling completely upset, frustrated and sometimes pretty sad. I tell her that I care deeply but I'm more than willing to take it slow and understand that she has some trust issues. I have rejection issues and I thought maybe we could laugh together and heal together as we plunge into this connection and see what's possible. I KNOW she likes me a lot and I think we could really build something great but she doesn't seem to be consistent in her actions toward me. It's been a few weeks since I've heard from her now and I don't know whether to contact her or just give up on her. I feel pretty down about it but I think we could be good together and I don't want to be alone the rest of my life. What should I do?

Lost in her~

Dear Lost,

It sounds like the girl you're lost in, is lost in her personal struggle. She doesn't seem to be "emotionally available" right now. As much as you want to build something with her, it isn't likely that can happen until she resolves her own battles. I applaud your optimism and persistence, but it might be better spent on doing things for yourself that make YOU happy! You can let go with love and compassion and if she finds her way through her issues with trust and vulnerability, she may become available. Until then, you may serve yourself better by putting your energy into things that lift your spirit, like exercise, healthy foods, sunshine and good friends! She has your number and she knows how to find you. No one can give anything they don't have to give; for now, it seems she doesn't have it to give. You sound like a person that is ready to share something amazing; there are lots of people out there that ARE emotionally available; getting stuck on one possible option for love may limit you. You mentioned rejection issues; are you stuck on her because of the connection or rejection? Do what you love and meet new people and do new things; your options are unlimited the moment you decide they are!                                                                                                                                                                                       

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